Pregnancy diary number 5

2008-12-30T13:43:00.000-08:00

Oswin Henry Evans’ Birth Day. (4th Oct 2007)

I suppose Oswins Birth story should begin on 6th September when I had my first sleepless night due to contractions. I was getting contractions every 15 minutes and emptying my bowels from about 12am until 7am, when the children started to get up wanting breakfast and the contractions stopped completely. I had similar experiences on the 9th September, 11th September, 18th September, 21st September and 1st October. Obviously I was quite tired and spent many of the last days of my pregnancy coping with disappointment each time the labour stopped. This was difficult but not as difficult as having to face people and listen to their comments and jokes about my size and when I was going to ‘let the baby come out’ etc.
I was also given ample advice about various method of inducing labour which of course all ‘work every time’! Here are the ones we tried:
A hot curry, a hot bath, a hot bath with clary sage, a brisk walk, a jog, walking sideways up the stairs (!), raspberry leaf tea, strong coffee, aromatherapy massages (using oils made up for me by Lin), nipple stimulation, (in the form of breast feeding Amaris), sex and finally reflexology.
Nigel contacted Lesley, (the reflexologist), the weekend before Oswin was born but she was unhappy about helping in case of complications. However, she got back in touch on the Tuesday after she had researched reflexology as a method of inducing labour. We arranged an appointment for Wednesday afternoon and reluctantly took the children ice skating on Wednesday morning. This was a good decision as we were able to avoid most of the people we didn’t want to see and spent lots of time with friends who were able to sympathise and make helpful comments that helped us to feel much better, especially hearing how many people went way over their due dates.
Reflexology went well. I asked Lesley to use the last of the oils that Lin mixed for me. Lesley said that everything was perfectly healthy I just had lots on my mind and I was quite constipated. I already knew this but hearing it put my mind at rest. After my treatment I went to the toilet several times and went to bed feeling much more comfortable and relaxed.
The Labour.
I was awoken during the early hours of the morning with some good strong contractions. After the 3rd one I checked the clock. It was 5:30am. This seemed like a very reasonable hour and so I decided to get up. At this point I felt positive and refreshed, mainly because Sol had slept well for 2 or 3 nights previous.
I went downstairs and made myself a pot of raspberry leaf tea, I was determined to maintain good contractions this time. When the rest of the family joined me we took photographs of us to mark the momentous occasion, the last time our family photos would only contain 5 people! Nigel took a picture of me and the children and then set the timer to take one of all of us. During which time I had another contraction and my face was bright red for that photo!!
We carried on as normal until lunchtime when I settled myself upstairs because I felt that the contractions were getting extremely strong. A short while later I asked Nigel to call his Mom to help with the children because I felt like I needed Nigel’s support. She arrived within minutes.
The contractions continued to get stronger and closer together for the next few hours. Nigel was wonderful and kept me well topped up on rescue remedy, homeopathy and phytobiosphysics. I was continually asking for reassurance because I felt that the labour was so much more intense than I remembered the others being. Nigel also reminded me to remain active, for most of the labour I chose to have one contraction whilst sitting on the toilet and one standing up holding on to Nigel. Nigel helped me to stay focused and his confidence in me made me feel energised during the early stages.
It was probably about 4pm when I asked Nigel to make sure the children stayed out because I felt I no longer had any control over the intensity of the contractions and I knew I would be bearing down soon. I want to say more about the effect the contractions were having on me but it is so difficult to explain. For a start I knew that he was going to be a big baby because I felt that the birth canal was filled to agonising capacity which really frightened me. And with each contraction I felt my entire body contract with my uterus. I am used to having a midwife scream ‘one last push before the contraction finishes’ and each time I’ve decided whether I want to give one last push or not. Usually not! But this time I had no choice my body took over and my mind panicked. I shouted and grunted like a wounded animal, but in my defence I have never had such a painful, intense labour before and hope to never have one like it again! Nigel had to ask me to get off the toilet because he noticed how fierce the contractions had become. I think he was afraid I’d give birth into the toilet. However, I really didn’t want to because each contraction was bringing a bowel movement! He was right to be concerned though because it was only minutes later that Oswin arrived!
At one point with my head swimming and my body reeling, I was holding onto the bathroom sink whilst Nigel did a wonderful job of strategically putting pressure on my back, I remember crying out ‘wait’. I’m not sure who to, perhaps the baby, but I was just so desperate for 2 minutes break. Nigel rightly interpreted this to mean I was starting to flag and advised me to get on all fours to slow the process a little. However, I didn’t feel I could have shut my legs enough to put both knees on the floor and only managed one knee and one foot, well, tip toes actually. It wasn’t until afterwards that we realised I had dreamt about giving birth in this position weeks ago but I’d dismissed it because I hadn’t ever considered this position before and had no intention of giving birth in the bathroom!
At one point I could here Kath reading to the children and each time I shouted she raised her voice until by the end of the contraction she was shouting to muffle my cries! I remember thinking ‘this would be funny if it didn’t hurt so much!’
I soon decided that even though I was certain I was about to tear I had to just do whatever I had to get the baby out safely. Nigel began giving me a commentary on what he could see. This was extremely helpful especially because I wasn’t sure he was coming out right. Nigel explained that the head was crowning and then that he could see his forehead. At some point around now Nigel encouraged me to feel for myself and I was amazed at how odd the fluffy little head felt. But I was able to satisfy my concerns. Nigel continued to comment, ‘his eyes are out…..I can see his ears’ etc. he instructed me when to breathe, pant etc to ensure minimal tearing. He did well because even after all that I only grazed and didn’t require any stitches! Yay!
Another odd sensation I have never experienced was when the baby began to turn to manoeuvre the shoulder out. In the past a midwife has turned the baby with much discomfort. But this time Oswin gently began twisting round until I felt one last intense pain which was obviously a shoulder squeezing through before a huge gush of water pushed him free and into Daddies hands. I snatched a glimpse and instinctively knew he was beautiful, whole and complete and so I was able to spend a few precious moments recovering!!! This was a nice feeling because I knew hew was safe with Nigel rather than feeling the need to snatch the baby from the midwife quickly!! I think at this point Nigel asked me if I wanted to sit down. I answered 'No' and asked him to pass me the baby and help me to the bedroom. Nigel couldn't work out how we could do this without me stepping over the cord, but I asked him to pass him through my legs. He did and then we had an odd wobbly walk to the bedroom, past all of the fluid and meconium on the bathroom floor. I remember feeling shocked that I couldn't walk upright with him because the cord was too short. I was reluctant to tug on it for fear I'd do some damage and so Nigel just supported me as I limped to the bedroom. Wanted to rest somewhere I wouldn’t have to move from for a while, I really needed to rest. At this point the children and Kath rushed to the bottom of the stairs, they had heard him cry and were asking if they would come and see him. I asked them to give me a moment because I wanted to settle first. as soon as I was in bed Nigel called them in. the all had a hold , (which was an odd sensation because the cord was still attached), and Nigel took some pictures. In all the excitement I realised we'd forgotten to check the time of birth. I'd given birth in the only room without a clock! Fortunately my mother-in-law checked her watch the moment she heard him cry and informed us it was 5:10pm.
Nigel then called the hospital to tell them about Oswins arrival. At the time I wasn't sure what was happening but it was obvious that the telephone conversation wasn't going brilliantly. The midwife Nigel spoke to wanted me to go into hospital because I hadn't yet delivered the placenta, (minutes after birth!?!), Nigel argued my case wonderfully but they still sent paramedics in an ambulance with sirens and flashing lights etc!
We were determined not to go into hospital after everything we'd been through. I felt that it would endanger us both as it was early evening and taking the baby out would cause his temperature to drop and making me walk down the stairs before I’d delivered my placenta could be dangerous too. I knew that if we agreed to go to hospital we'd have to staying due to complications that they had caused.
When the paramedics arrived we asked the children to leave as the room was really crowded. later, I found out that Sol was crying, concerned that the paramedics were going to hurt me! :o(
They were nice however, and obviously didn't want a confrontation. upon arrival she asked if I’d delivered the placenta and when I said no they said they would have to take me to hospital as I'd only got 20 minutes from birth to deliver it! I told them I knew it took up to 2 hours and they agreed to just wait with me until a midwife arrived. we then sat and had a conversation about how useless midwives are until 40 minutes after birth when the I delivered the placenta, whole and healthy and...easy!
the midwife arrived a short while after, by which time I felt much more in control and confident. after a rather rough internal examination,( bitch !), after which she concluded that I was grazed and if I was in hospital they might put me a stitch but as there was no gas and air handy it would be too difficult! (I wouldn't have had any anyway!), the children came back in. The midwife continued hr checks etc. while we all admired the baby some more. We decided to ignore her as much as possible because intervention had once again threatened to turn a wonderful, glorious celebration into a nightmare!
I'll never involve the midwifery services gin, should we ever choose to have more children. Still alls well that ends well, and we certainly live and learn. What a fabulous experience and whatever else happens I'll be forever in Nigel debt for all of his care, he was calm and reassuring throughout despite having concerns himself. and because he knows me so well he knew that despite my hysterics I still didn't want a midwife present or any intervention. I'd chosen to give birth to my baby as nature intended and it was miraculous.
We spend many days talking about how amazing the whole experience was and we realised an amazing thing. I reminded Nigel that I'd dreamt about giving birth in the bathroom on one knee and one foot and that is how it happened. Nigel explained in detail what he saw and told me that when his head was first visible it looked like puckered skin. This scared him because he thought that the cord was coming first which would have resulted in the baby suffocating. However he gave it a prod and realised it was his head. It was just that the way the bones overlap to fit through the birth canal had caused the skin to pucker up! Phew. He then remembered another dream I’d had which really scared me at the time where the baby told me that when he was born there would be some issue with the top of his head and that I shouldn't worry. I did worry though and so put it to the back of my mind, but we now knew what it all meant!
The whole experience was really spiritual and well worth it! He is amazing baby.

2007-08-30T05:20:00.001-07:00

I had an appointment at the opticians this afternoon and I decided to ask Angel to come along with me. Despite the fact that we share plenty of quality time together we really don’t get enough time just the two of us. We had a nice giggle together, especially because at one point she couldn’t resist shouting out the letters that I couldn’t see! She then helped me choose some new frames and much to my surprise she was actually a good help. Of curse she wanted me to try all of the really girly pink ones and the ones with a playboy bunny on the lenses which I truly despised but I suppose girls will be girls. In the end with the help of the assistant we found a pair which I thought were daringly different to my old ones but still suited my odd face shape!
We then ran a few errands at the local shops and returned home and watched Sesame Street with the younger ones who had had a nice time with Daddy while we were away reading story books.
Most of the rest of the day was filled with tidying and sorting all of the junk in the house. We seem to be in constant need of a junk room in which to dump all of our crap and without this assigned room the whole house is a tip. I took it easy although Nigel worked like Trojan and his back is sore again now, which is a worry because he is gardening all day tomorrow!
I am currently reading a book called Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Kaplan Shaley. It is full of useful advice and statistics etc. about the safety of unassisted homebirths as opposed to hospital deliveries. I am toughly enjoying it but so far am only half way through. I am trying to reading it quicker so that Nigel will also get chance to look at it before the big day.
Speaking of which I have noticed that I getting quite a lot of twinges now. And my attention has been on the birth almost constantly. I am truly excited about it especially after the great NCT ante-natal classes. There are still some breast feeding classes to come so will have other things to look forward to.
I think that the tension is mounting slightly for the children as we approach the due date. HRH seems to be especially sensitive and as usual is showing by not sleeping very well! Fortunately Nigel is ensuring that if we have a disturbed night I get at least some rest if not a nap during the day. Bless him!
All in all I feel good. I am very aware of the huge weight in my pelvis but we shall find out more about the positioning of the baby tomorrow when we go to the midwife appointment! Wish me luck!

2007-08-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, I'm in week 35 now and I haven't blogged for ages. Whoops! The reason for his however, is because I haven't really had anything to report. All has been going extremely well. I am loving being pregnant and the baby is wonderfully active, giving me absolutely no cause for concern. However, my Dad had a heart attack on Friday 17th August which believe it or not was actually one year to the day since I was induced to deliver the baby we lost! He came out of hospital yesterday and is thankfully on the mend now, but obviously we've really had our work cut out this week. It's been crazy, what with hospital visits, doing his washing and of course insane amount of stress! The children have been great but there was no under sixteens allowed on the ward and so they have been unable to see him since the heart attack and they've been quite concerned and eager to check he still is the same old Grandad. Angel in particular remembers my step Moms death about 18 months ago, in which she went into hospital and died before she ever came home again, so Angel was cheering for joy when I said he was being allowed to leave the hospital.
Last Saturday was the first NCT ante-natal class. The venue is child friendly and so our children were able to come along too. Saturdays class talked about various positions during birth and the way they can help with pain relief. We talked about previous birth experiences and how our other children will fit in and cope with the new arrival. It was all a lot of fun. Sunday was more geared towards planning for this birth and how best to enjoy it. We also discussed 'me time' and how t cope with being a person as well as a parent. We also watch a DVD about giving birth to twins. I don't know the proper title it is just known as 'the Psalm and Zoya ' DVD. It is quite an inspiring thing to watch and I was happy that the children came in to watch it too. HRH seemed to thoroughly enjoy it other than a part where she tears slightly because the second baby is breach and you see a small trickle of fresh blood drip! But he is still very adamant that he wants to see our babies arrival into the world. Angel had wide disbelieving eyes right though and has asked if she can think about it! Luna seemed to hardly notice and gave very little comment!
The next class is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it.
We have to take the children to the opticians this afternoon because the Health visitor pointed out that if they were attending school they'd had had eye tests by now so we booked in. However, they've already chosen the glasses they want while we were making the appointment and I have a feeling they'll be disappointed if their eyes are OK. Speaking on which i misplaced my glasses about a week ago and the still haven't turned up yet! Oh heck. I might have to get some more!
And this afternoon we'll be taking the children to see my Dad and we'll be cutting down his hedge which he has been worrying him for a while now so to save him some more stress Nigel has said he'll help out in the garden.

2007-07-30T15:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we went to a local-ish park and spent the whole sfternoon climbing huge hills, playing ball games and racing around the play park. I managed to keep up although my legs are a bit sore today. We managed to get a good sleep last night though so I'm sure that has helped because yesterday I was exhausted and dreading today because Nigel is out gardening the country club all day and I wanted to make sure thechildren didn't get too bored. So far I've suceeded we've been tremendously busy making masks, making plasticine jungel animals, making spinners and we've begun a rain chart monitoring how many days of rain we'll have over the next 2 weeks. I felt this was apropriate after all of the floods up and down the country. (we're so lucky not to have flooded!)

Today I have felt good. Not so much as a twinge in my back although I have eaten my way through the contents of the fridge! I'm always hungry lately! Must be another growth spirt!!!!! This is me and the children at the park yesterday. Don't I look huge! How much bigger will I get???? ;o)

Even my maternity clothes don't fit well anymore!

2007-07-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

After breakfast this morning I went back to bed for half an hour to catch up on some lost sleep. When I woke up I started sorting out the washing. When I finally got dressed at about 10:15am I noticed that my belly seemed a different shape and that I felt different too. I felt around my tummy and discovered that the baby seems to have dropped. The top of my belly feels empty and flatter which has given my lungs more room which is why I've had a more productive cough this morning. I'm grateful for that because I've had the rotten cough and cold the children have got over the last couple of days and it's hard to have a decent cough when you are heavily pregnant. Also The bottom of my tummy is very hard and full. At the moment it is hard to tell which way round the baby is but then it doesn't matter ATM. For the last couple of days I have been expecting something to happen. I have been feeling more focused on the birth and the baby has been in my thoughts a lot. I am really getting excited now, I don't really feel nervous at all!

2007-07-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Lately a lot of all of our energy has been going into helping HRH. His skin and cough have been improving since we have been giving hi red clover blend and following the instructions in the new booklet we have. His therapist Lin has made us a new cream to try and some aromatherapy oils to burn to help his cough. So far so good. His skin on the whole is miles better ATM but he is still suffering with sore fingers and heels. I'm sure this is a good sign as we've been told many times that eczema often goes to the extremities before going completely so we are staying hopeful.

Of course in try fashion we are constantly trying to catch up on sleep. I am feeling tired today but on the whole things haven't been too bad. Nigel is being offered work left, right and centre and also if we can get enough sponsors we are hoping he will be able to do the HET training in August. Fingers crossed about tat because believe it would really help Nigel to build his self confidence up again.

I feel that my womb has now reached my diaphram and the baby is beginning to run out of room. It seems to have settled on the right side with it's feet across as though it is sitting down. I feel regular movements and the baby still gets hic-ups but the movements are definitely not as frantic than they were. the baby seems to be gaining control of it's limbs. The movements are more deliberate now. For example. Nigel enjoys putting his head on my tummy to see if he can hear the babies heartbeat, and when he does this the baby will kick his head! Also it responds to the children all of the time. Especially Luna, but it obviously recognises all of them! I am taking a phytobiosphysics remedy called female repro, I am finding this is helping to balance my hormones and give me more energy although I haven't done my yoga for ages.

2007-07-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

I had a midwife appointment on Friday 6th at 9am. I agreed to having the blood tests in the end because like Nigel said I'll only draw attention to myself by refusing it. I had to take a couple of Arnicas afterwards though because I don't know whether it was because I was more reluctant that unusual but she really hurt my arm this time.
Other than that everything went well. HRH really seemed to need the reassurance that the baby was ok as it seemed he had been worrying about it for a while! He mentioned it on Thursday night before bed and it made us realise how much he worries but doesn't tell us. Nigel said something about when the baby is born and HRH replied with 'Well, of course that is if the baby survives!' Angel answered first and told him there is nothing to worry about because I feel it move all of the time but he didn't seem very reassured. It is for this reason that we decided to invite the children to be at the birth. We had discussed this before but we finally decided it would be a good idea and would reassure everyone but especially HRH that pregnancy and birth are usually perfectly safe.

I have been finding it very difficult to sleep lately because I've been getting restless legs and it is beginning to drive me mad. I find it ironic that at 2pm every afternoon I could sleep for England but the moment I lie in bed and try to relax I feel twitchy and dreadful! Still perhaps it ill pass, fingers crossed!

I recently noticed that I am no longer producing milk from my left breast and only occasionally from my right breast. Luna still enjoys suckling to sleep each night and I don't mind either. I know it is common for milk to stop during pregnancy but I can't help worrying that the reason I don't have milk ATM is due to the fibroadonomas in my left breast as they are quite large and there are quite a few of them also I find it uncomfortable to latch Luna on properly and it is often uncomfortable while she suckles. I really need to do something about this I must look into this again. I have been trying to meditate regularly but so far it hasn't had much effect!

2007-07-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I'll be 28 weeks on Wednesday, and I can't believe how time flies when you're having fun! I'm really enjoying being pregnant at the moment. I have plenty of energy and we've had a really wet rainy June which has been quite merciful as I haven't been feeling sweaty and uncomfortable, (much!). The baby is becoming slightly less active which I suppose is due to lack of space. I certainly am huge. My Dad commented that he'd been telling people I only had about 5 or 6 weeks left because I'm so massive! Nigel thinks this is probably due to loosing a baby which sort of feels as though I've been pregnant for ever!
Despite my size I have felt very comfortable, however, this morning I think the baby was leaning all of its weight onto my intestines as I was in lots of pain until Nigel felt my tummy to find the position of the baby and inadvertently moved the baby over which eased the discomfort considerable. Nigel isn't as squeamish as me and so is good at that sort of thing.

With regards to the birth and the midwifery issues I think the more we read the better we feel. We are still on course for an unassisted delivery, however, I think suddenly dropping out of all of the midwifery services would probably arouse too much suspicion. I don't want Nigel to be arrested after the birth because it could be considered endangering our lives to not phone the midwife, which actually happened to a friend of ours! The book we're reading together, 'The power of Pleasurable Childbirth' is great and Nigel found the 'Unassisted birth' website which is really fantastic. I am sure that in the event of another child (not that I'm planning or anything!), we wouldn't bother with any midwifery services at all but for now we'll play it by ear!
I'm feeling really happy and privileged ATM and hope the feeling lasts.

The baby has hiccups a lot! Sometimes as much as 6 times a day. I am even woken up during the night by the hiccups! Bless, it's just like when I was having Angel, (except I'm much bigger!)

2007-06-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

I am feeling more positive now although the situation with the midwifery services hasn't changed at all. We have discussed our idea of an ideal birth and we seem to be pretty much in agreement about that but we haven't discussed what we should do about preventing any intervention from the midwifery services.
I have decided for the time being to leave the issue as I have another 2 weeks before our next visit to the midwife! But as time is flying by I'll have to address the subject soon. But I am afraid that voicing my concerns will cause friction.
'An' has kindly arranged an anti-natal class that we should be able to attend which starts in August and is aimed at people who have more that one child. I'm looking froward to this but they take place on a Saturday and so finding babysitters might cause a problem as I'm not sure if any of the Grandparents will be willing to sacrifice a Saturday morning for us! But still we have some time to organise that yet.
We've been trying to organise the spare room and this week we managed to decorate the bathroom because we are fast running out of space and we need to use all of the rooms to their full capacity. Also HRH has been struggling during the night as he is suffering from a virus again and it has made us realise that once the baby is here it will be virtually impossible to cope because if HRH stays in the children's room he wakes the girls up and Luna wants milks and cuddles etc. to get back off to sleep and she is often woken several times during the night. And if he comes in with us neither Nigel nor I get any sleep and it is very hard to cope without sleep! Sorting and tidying will have to wait for a couple of days however, because Nigel seems to be suffering from a virus too!

2007-06-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

This evening I feel terrible. I am really tired and achy and I feel as though I can hardly move. I realised I have 15 weeks left and I really don't think I have any more room to grow! Even my maternity clothes are tight!!!
To make matters worse I tried to discuss the concerns I have been having about the midwifery services and I think I must have worded everything wrongly! He didn't seem to share my opinions! Perhaps I'll have to leave things up to fate! I still feel very sure about what I want but maybe I need to give things more thought.
Right now I need to sleep!

2007-06-11T03:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe how behind I am with my posting. I'll try to catch up a bit. On Thursday 7th June we had our 24 week midwife appointment. It all went very well and was quite brief apart from Sharon only getting my fundal measurement to 22 weeks. For once however she didn't panic and even said that she remember me being the same with Luna. I said I was the same with all of them but I don't think she listened. Apart from that everything was fine. The baby had a good strong heartbeat. The last blood tests were fine. And of course the children were well behaved.
I have got more blood tests next time I go, which got me to thinking how bloody fed up with having my blood taken I am. I don't really know what the point of the blood tests probably to check my iron levels again to ensure I'm 'safe' to have a home birth! I felt quite rubbish about having more blood taken. I feel like a pin cushion. All I ever go to the surgery for is to have more blood taken and it wouldn't matter to me what the results of them were because I know I'm fine and I will have a home birth even if the results came back saying my iron levels were zero because I have no intention of having a hospital delivery! So essentially I'm having my blood taken as a 'precaution' every 4 weeks to shut Sharon up and stop her moaning! Why on earth am I being so submissive? I really don't want to feel obliged or bullied at any point but this is making me feel a little bit out of control! Nigel and I have decided to discuss what options we have.
I was lying in the bath on Thursday night thinking about the various possibilities that could occur during labour. Concealing it from the health services could be very tricky.Supposing I go into labour on the day of an anti-natal appointment. I'll have to phone and tell them! Or supposing I go overdue and they start talking of induction and daily appointments to check the babies progress! Also, we had sort of preliminarily decided that when I went into labour we'd call the hospital and say labour had begun but tell them that very little was happening and so don't worry about visiting us yet. We would then phone them later and say 'Oh it all happened so fast that we didn't have chance to call you back!' But what if I have another labour like the one with Luna, which lasts for 23 hours. At some point a midwife will 'pop in' to check all is well and I can hardly pretend I'm miles away from delivering if I'm not! Hmm. Makes me wish I'd never involved the maternity services at all!
On Friday 8th June our very good friend An had and NCT open house. Although we don't live in the same borough she has 6 children of her own which of course means our children have a truly super time playing while we're there and she is a good home ed friend and I love to support her where possible. The subject of maternity services always seems to crop up as 3 or 4 of the regular Moms there are pregnant. I had an opportunity to discuss the type of delivery I would like and it made me realise that I'm not daft and I'm not alone because plenty of people believe the best option is to deliver unaided. 'An' even said that if we needed support she would come along and help us deliver! I really feel like we have no need to visit the surgery anymore now because An is a fountain of knowledge when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Especially the alternative sort that I'm hoping for!
We've been reading a book that An recommended called 'The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth' which talks about one woman experiences of childbirth, both assisted and unassisted. It is really interesting and is certainly food for thought! She actually sacked her midwife days before she delivered her second child! Hmmm!

2007-05-30T19:26:00.000-07:00

Gosh, it's been ages since I last posted! That's terrible . I'll have to remember and make more of an effort! I have been really busy though. We've done a lot of things lately that we've been promising we'd do for ages. we've been swimming at the new local swimming pool. The big slides we're closed and are not re-opened until 4pm as they tend not open them during school hours. we weren't really bothered though because there is a lovely toddler pool with bubbles and jets of water spraying here there and everywhere which the children thouht was really good fun. I was careful not to go into the jacuzzi area but I did enjoy relaxing in the lovely warm shallow water. I'm sure I looked likea beached whale but I was quite relaxed and didn't much care. There was also a large area in the main pool for swimming. And we were all impressed with ow well the children could swim. Mom came with us too and she thoroughly enjoyed herself! Luna kept insisting that she was swimming on her own and we didn't like to correct her because she seemed so pleased wit herslef. I have no concerns about HRHhe has loads of confidence and no fear and was really super strong swimmer. He even enjoyed the showers which was unexpected. Angel enjoyed herself butit took her a whileto regain her onfidence. It has been ages since we last went swimming but we have promisedto gomore often. Obviously not this week because itis half term but certainly the following week.
Nigelhas finally tiledthe bathroom and we've all had a rotten cold, except for Nigel buthe has had his fair share of misfortune because he has been suffering with hisbackpain. He has seen a chiropracter today so hopefullyhe'll start to notice some improvement.
As for me and the abay we are doing really, really well. I'm DELIGHTED to bein the 23rd week. Apparently the baby is now 20cm from crown to rump! It can now hear everything we say and it definately respondsto the childrens' voices. They have begun singing to the baby and always try not to fight because thebabymight hear their angry voices! Arrh, bless!
I am huge but don't care! I am happy!

2007-05-19T06:26:00.000-07:00

This morning was one problem after another. Nigel was working this morning, gardening at a local hotel and the car was in the garage because it was leaking something and there had been a problem with the power-steering fluid. The weather wasn't too bad and the children are healthy so there was nothing to stop me walking with them to Dads. It was 11:30am before we were ready and just before we left the house we had a call from Nigel saying that the garage had finished the jobs and that they'd dropped the car at Nigel's parents house, so if I wanted the car I could use it but I'd have to fetch it from their house. Which is no problem really because they only live a couple of streets away. However, after consulting the children we decided to walk anyway. Once everyone was finally happy and comfortable, with drinks, raincoats, (just in case), lunch, cardigans etc. we set off. We managed to get down 3 streets before HRH began crying that his legs were sore. I sat him on the buggy board and put bandages on him in the street and then decided to go back to my in-laws to collect the car. I knew it would be a pain and we definitely needed the walk because we don't get enough exercise but I had a feeling I'd be better off with the car. when we were almost there I remembered that I had no soya butter, and obviously due to allergies we have to use our own so I had to turn around again and drive back home to collect some. I was grateful we were in the car then!
So we finally arrived at my Dads really, really late but in one piece.
Anyway the point I wanted to make was that I haven't driven for a while and when I did I really noticed how much my tummy was scraping on the steeping wheel! I remember this with all of my pregnancies but only when I am in the 3rd trimester! I decided to measure myself when I got home and was shocked to discover that I have a 38in/96 1/2cm waist! That is massive it is no wonder I get tired!
Speaking of which I really need to put my feet up for 5 minutes, I shattered!

2007-05-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 20 week scan. We arrived ridiculously early but this was necessary in order to get a parking space. (I pity the women who have their babies in hospital because you'd have to be careful what time you went into labour to ensure decent parking! ;o))
Upon arriving I 'checked-in' and took the children to the toilet. Quite amazingly whilst I was gone the sonographer called me in. Imagine the look on his face when he asked where I was and Nigel said 'in the toilet'! So we were seen about 20 minutes early. Which was better than sitting about waiting. Although I wasn't exactly nervous I did feel a bit strange and I was grateful that we didn't have to prolong anything.
The scan itself was the best we've ever had! It was quite amazing! We saw every part of the baby in minute detail. I usually struggle to spot things but this time I saw the stomach, which contracted as the baby swallowed and the the liquid flowed into the bladder! We saw the most wonderful view of the babies face, arms and legs with lots of fingers and toes! we also had the pleasure of seeing the placenta and discovering that it is right at the top of my womb, exactly opposite my cervix which is ace because it should make the delivery nice and straightforward. In short the whole pregnancy so far is totally text book. The baby is the right size and is perfectly healthy and looked nice and robust!

Oh, and we also saw a penis! It's a boy!
The children are delighted! And so are we! :o))

2007-05-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of days the baby's wiggles and wriggles and begun to feel more and more like kicks and punches. Nigel was feeling my tummy on Friday, (today is Sunday) and he was amazed to feel a huge appendage of some sort roughly jab him. We both got a bit chocked and we talked about how magical it all feels. We feel so happy ATM. I have begun to play with the baby. When it is kicking like crazy, I stroke my tummy and it calms down! How sweet! It also responds to sound. Yesterday I put the kettle onto the hob and it jumped and the sound it made! Also Sol cried loudly while he was stood in front of me and it jumped again! It also likes the sound of me playing the recorder to it. And it likes the sound of Daddy's voice reading the children's bedtime story!

2007-05-06T02:15:00.001-07:00

The children have been great and are really interested in everything to do with the baby ATM. The are even making contributions for name ideas. They are currently unanemous, for a girl they want Gloria and for a boy Hercules! I have told them I'll think about it but as I don't have any better suggestions I can't really comment!
We intended to make a short list ages ago but we couldn't even come up with a long list! I'd better get looking again. I think this is the longest I've ever gone without at least a fair idea of what I wanted to call it. I really must spend some time thinking about this. >8-}

2007-05-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

May Day.
Today is a double celebration because it is not only May Day but also our cat Mays birthday! (Hence the name!) We've had a very busy day. I had my first jewellery class since before Easter this morning, (which went well but everything seemed very difficult and took me ages to do! ), and I came home to find that Nigel had walked the children to the doctors to collect a prescription and all 3 of them had walked there and back! This was accidental actually because I had the car and the pushchair was in it!
They also weaved some baskets from paper, and after lunch we played percussion instruments, had a recorder lesson, I deciphered the tunes for the Beltane songs, the children painted their faces and dressed up, Nigel erected a Maypole and I weaved a Y shaped twig with some feathers and leaves etc. which really brightened up the living room and all of this was before dinner! And what made this even more wonderful was that despite being insanely busy the baby still did regular little wiggles and kicks! I will be 19 weeks tomorrow and I am beginning to feel really massive. Everyone comments on my size, (usually in a nice way!), Rachel from jewellery class said my bump looks lovely! Arr. I really am enjoying myself ATM and although I do get the occasional feeling of doubt on the whole I feel sure the baby is going to be fine!
I feel that I am beginning to look healthier too. My nails are finally stronger and my hair is very thick.

Nigel often feels the baby wiggle which is great and he really enjoys it. It is nice to be able yto share the nice moments with him! We missed that with Maeve because we didn't have our own home and privacy.

Apparently the baby can hear things ourside of the womb now which is really exciting because I played the recorder to it today!

By the way May's kittens are due next week! Another arr! But keeping her in the house is proving quite tricky!

2007-04-27T06:08:00.001-07:00

We arrived home yesterday tea time from a few days break to the Wirral in the motorhome. We had a super relaxing time. We parked right beside the park and the toilet facilities. Which was super convenient unless we wanted to leave the site because the children were having such a marvelous time that they rarely wanted to leave. Being close to the toilet block was also convenient because there seems to be a problem with the van at the moment and we don't have any hot water! We had showers every day which was really comfortable for me as I'm beginning to find the bath a bit squished. The baby has been doing nice clear movements each day usually morning and evening which is wonderful because I am now having the reassurance I have been waiting for. I thought it might be difficult fitting in the van with my growing belly but we managed fine. We had chance to totally de-stress which was great and I felt the benefit, however, we walked a lot and had plenty of exercise and so I still felt shattered most of the time! Luna was waking up quite a lot for milk and so I was only getting disturbed sleep. Last night, however, she slept quite a lot better and I feel much fresher and more awake today. I feel as though I might be getting a chest infection because I have needed to take my inhaler several times during the night. But last night was better!

2007-04-19T10:35:00.000-07:00

I can't pretend I thought we had any hope of getting to the surgery for 9am, because lately we've been lucky to leave the house for midday, but we managed it in fact we arrived 5 minutes early!!!! It is amazing what you can do when you have to.
We were sent straight in, which was great. Everything went well but Sharon advised that I take iron suppliments because my something to do with my iron levels is low and I might end up feeling tired. Nigel commented that I already feel tired which is very true. Yesterday we went Ice Skating, then we walked around the shops and later the children had a 15 minute run around on the park and I thought I was dying by the end of that. I mean really exhausted! So perhaps that explains why. I am about to surf the net for iron rich foods because all I can remember ATM is dark chocolate, (and I'm definately not defficient in that!). I believe that a diet alteration is a much more fool proof method of raising iron levels than taking suppliments with who knows what in them.
We were able to listen to the heartbeat, no problem, which the children enjoyed but HRH seemed really delighted!
On Saturday, I weighed myself on my Dad's scales and was horrified to discover that I was almost 11 stone. I know we've had tons of chocolate and chocolate cake due to the time of year, (that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!). But I was still disappointed, which is why I haven't posted about it before now. I felt sure that Sharon would moan about it and probably accuse me of having diabeties or some-such-like. However, this mornign I stepped onto the scales and to my delight I discovered that I have only gained 4 pounds! I'm only 10 1/2 stone. ( I really must learn to work in kilos because I'm sure that by the time this little baby is old enough to read this stones will be completely obsolete! I thing I was 66!)

This morning I was awoken by the baby wiggling at 6:10am. I never thought this would make me happy but it did. However, we didn't surface until 7:10am which was just about right. We got dressed straight away and I cannot believe the amount we've managed to get done. We've been to thye surgery, we dropped Nigel off at Dad's shop, we've wahsed up, I have a loaf baking and a line full of washing out and it is only 10:30! I must make more of an effort to do this each day!

2007-04-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have just woken up from quiet a good nights sleep. Luna only disturbed me a couple of times and so I spent a few minutes with HRH to help Nigel out who appeared to be having a more tricky time settling him off to sleep.
My tummy is continuing to grow, which is wonderful. A few nights ago Nigel found me a pillow to put underneath my bump during the night. It is a long pillow so I can rest my tummy and my leg on it and I have been sleeping much more soundly since. I feel so much more comfortable. However, when I am in Amaris's bed feeding her there isn't really room for us both and my big pillow so I'm not as settled in her bed. However, she is sleeping well ATM so I'm not worried right now. But I'll have to sort something out for later in the pregnancy.
The baby continues to wiggle nicely and is thankfully getting stronger, and I continue to worry for nothing on a regular basis!
I seem to have some energy back as yesterday I had a super cleaning day. I cleaned the living room and kitchen (and they were a mess!) I hoovered and mopped all of the floors and I also managed to clean the bathroom before bathing the children! Although this took all day it wasn't so long ago it would have taken me all week!
I have a midwife appointment this Thursday and I realised that I have gained a fair old amount of weight! I'm sure I must have gained about a stone already! I have no problem with this because I know this is because I have eaten large amounts of chocolate and chocolate cake due to it being Ostara and then Easter! I have considered the possibility that she will say I've gained too much. I may very well say mind your own business if she does! I'm always too big or too small, I've given up expecting to be the right size!

2007-04-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

I have developed a liking for soy sauce! I enjoy it on most carbohydrate meals and even put some on my baked bean toastie yesterday. I'm not sure what the appeal is but the delicious salty taste is irresistible ATM! I love cravings they get weirder and weirder!
I also did some more yoga yesterday. Nigel has been joining me because he has been suffering with a trapped nerve in his back, however, it has resulted in Nigel having to stand awkward in order to get comfortable and so I have more incentive than usual!

2007-04-05T21:50:00.000-07:00

I had the most dreadful nights sleep last night. I actually didn't mind stopping up with HRH for a while when he was awake for his usually spell around the witching hour, because I was suffering with such painful restless legs that I was happier staying awake than trying to relax and sleep. I am not sure what time it was that I eventually fell asleep but I know I saw 3am!
I was lying in bed last night, wide awake, twitching madly every time I attempted relaxing thinking, 'I'm so happy to be doing this as long as my baby is safe and healthy!' I'm not sure I'll feel like that tomorrow if I don't sleep again tonight but we'll see. :o)
Actually apart from a good rest this morning and a short nap this afternoon I have had bags of energy today. I have hoovered all of downstairs, made a loaf of bread, cooked dinner, played in the garden with the children, done a super painting activity with the children whereby they painted whatever had inspired then from our visit to the art gallery yesterday, washed, dried and put away 5 loads of washing, changed HRH's bed sheet and Angel and Luna's bed clothes and all of the usual jobs as well! *Patting myself on the back......and yawning*
I have also managed to do some Yoga this evening!

2007-04-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

I've just been doing some research on the Internet to see if we could find some ultrasound photos illustrating the size and stage of development of the baby.
The scan pictures weren't great but we did discover that the baby is approximately 10cms long and is developing laguno all over it's skin and also it has begun to grasp, suck and swallow!!!! How sweet, bless!

2007-04-03T04:31:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling regular movements. They mainly occur during the evening when I'm relaxing properly. Despite this, I haven't been feeling much more confident to be honest I really am doing my own head in!
Despite feeling certain that the baby must be fine, I am still worrying about the future. I wonder whether I'll worry less after the 20 week scan. I drempt the other night that we had a huge party because we reached 21 weeks! Maybe that'll happen.
People keep telling me that it is normal to worry and that I will probably continue worrying until I am holding my baby in my arms! I usually try to tell the children each time I feel a movement during the day because I think the reassurance does them good, even if I am refusing to feel positive for some reason. Perhaps it is simply hormonal! Each time I mention movements one of the children will cheer and say 'yay it's still alive.' Each time they do this I reply 'of course it is, everything will be fine this time. Even the doctor said so.' But I can't seem to get this into my thick head!

Talking of 'thick' my middle seems to be positively huge! I will meassure it soon. As of tomorrow I'm in my 15th week! See we're getting there aren't we!

2007-04-02T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have been suffering with terrible paranoia! Every day or two I find myself panicking that the baby hasn't moved all day. Then I start to question whether the moves I felt the night before were genuine or whether I imagined them! I know this sounds crazy but I have been putting myself through hell worrying about everything. I think I might investigate using Bach flower remedies to calm my nerves because all of this fretting can't possibly be good for the baby. I'm sure that once I start fretting the baby doesn't move because of all of the negative emotions.
Once I am calm and I've finally managed to reassure myself that I didn't imagine the previous moves the baby wakes up again. Nigel has been great. He offers to take me to the hospital to double check whenever I feel worried.Yesterday I came very close to actually going. perhaps that was the worst I've felt so far. I was really scared. I was close to tears and I thought the only way I could make myself feel better was to go to the hospital. However, I managed to recognise my insane rambling for what they were before making a fool of myself at the hospital.

I need to try to sort myself out because I really don't want them to think I'm worried unnecessarily because I don't want to ruin my chance of a home birth. But on the other hand I need to be confident that everything is okay.
I really must get meditating and doing yoga because there is a chance that this would help a lot.

2007-03-22T21:42:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday I received a letter from Mr. Churchill, the consultant we saw at the hospital anti-natal appointment. It said that he'd checked my notes and he'd spoken to the staff who'd dealt with my case when I delivered Maeve, (we've decided to use her name because calling her 'the baby we lost' all of the time is annoying!), and apparently they only checked the placenta because it is much more resilient than the baby and therefore gives a better indication of problems in those circumstances.
However, no abnormalities were found. (Which was nice to know.) He stated that there is very little chance of there being any problems with this pregnancy or delivery and that statistically and medically the potential for complications are minimal!
Since receiving this letter I have done a lot of thinking. And although I've been telling myself these exact things for ages, actually seeing it written in black and white has made me realise that I haven't been trying to convince myself to prevent bad karma, it is actually the truth.
Consequently, I have been feeling fabulous and I am now actually expecting a baby rather than hoping for one!!!!!

My tummy is massive! I thought I was big with HRH! For curiosity sake, I am going to have to have a look through my old pregnancy diary to see if I made a note of my size of my tummy when I was pregnant with the other children. I am now 13 weeks pregnant and my waist measures 32 1/2 inches,82 1/2 cm and my tummy is quite hard, it doesn't appear to be much fat! Around my belly button measures 37inches, 94 cms! That is just taking the Micky! I look about 6 months pregnant! Oh, it's just occurred to me that I might be having a really huge baby! Oh, well as long as it's healthy! :o)

Nigel came home from Dad's shop today with 2 new naming baby books. One of which is called 'Cool Baby Names'! We sat for quite a while this afternoon with Nigel's Mom reading through the books and having a giggle at highly inappropriate names. We're still agreeing on the choice of boys name but if it is a girl I think we'll struggle a bit!

2007-03-19T14:20:00.001-07:00

At the moment when I feed Luna my breasts feel really tender! It isn't every feed and it isn't really painful, just tender. At the moment I'm just coping with it because it is bearable.
Also I am sooo tired today I could sleep on the keyboard!

Today we visited an animal sanctuary with HRH's therapist L.
There are quite a few farm animals but mainly sheep. L helps to heal the poorly animals and also uses the animals as part of the children's therapy because they have all been mistreated in some way or another and so abused children in particular can identify with them.
We are of course aware that lambs and ewes pose a toxoplasmosis threat and so I didn't touch any of the animals and was careful not to hold hand with the children etc. We've been to farms before when I have been pregnant and so we weren't concerned particularly because there weren't any lambs there.
However, the old lady who runs the sanctuary was really concerned. She gave me a pair of rubber gloves to wear, (which I did), and advised that I speak to my doctor because there might be a vaccination to prevent the infection. I humoured her because she was obviously just concerned but I know there is no such vaccination!
We were quite confident that we took plenty of care but as usual her concern caused me to doubt myself. Still, so far so good I'm fine and the baby is wiggling like a good one!

Nigel was feeling my tummy last night and he felt the baby... not move as much as flop! But whatever it did Nigel felt it!

2007-03-15T09:34:00.000-07:00

The little fluttery movements I've been feeling have been getting stronger. Last night when I was lying in bed trying to relax the movements were so strong and different to what I've been used to that I wasn't sure if I was mistaken. But I wasn't, It has just been a while since I've felt these types of movements as I don't remember movements of the baby that we lost getting much stronger than small fluttery movements.
Although I am excited and I'm grateful of every movement I still can't help panicking every now and then!

I had a very energetic day yesterday. Firstly we had our local HE group which didn't involve being very active but I didn't seem to sit down much. All afternoon Angel had me showing her a dance routine which I helped her to perfect. I did enjoy this but it took several attempts which soon showed me how unfit I am. I knew this anyway because I have such poor muscle tone, my tummy is huge and wobbly and my legs are baggy!
I keep threatening to do my yoga DVD but so far it is just threats. Somehow I can't help feeling that it'll take so much more than doing yoga 3 times week to sort out my physique. However, I'm not bothered as long as the baby is OK! :o)
However, I must try harder, otherwise I'll regret it during labour!

2007-03-11T08:38:00.000-07:00

The pregnancy is still going well! Since the hospital appointment I have felt much more relaxed and have resigned myself to enjoying the pregnancy. I still feel little flutters which is wonderful. I am waiting for them to become strong enough for Nigel to feel but so far I still think they are a bit delicate. (Or perhaps it could be the several layers of fat in front of my womb!?!)
Thye children have been showing off the scan picture although I'm still not sure that they understand that they can tell anyone now, as they keep whispering to ask permission to tell people. I'm sure it is no shock to anyone as my stomach is already so big that it is quite obviouos that I'm pregnant.
Luna's milk intake is creaoing back up again! I am trying a new tact whereby when she is feeding I count to 10. Depending on the convienience of her timing depends of the speed on which I count. This seems to work well because she is not showing any signs of being upset when she gets off before I reach 10. This method, (so far!?!), hasn't failed!

2007-03-07T20:19:00.000-08:00

Well, I needn't have worried about the hospital appointment. Although I did. By the time Tuesday came I felt really afraid. I had jewellery making class in the morning which helped to distract me a bit although my heart wasn't in it really. I left early and Nigel took HRH to see L our therapist. Then I spent and hour and a half with the girls trying very hard to think of other things and keep busy.
We left at about 3:15pm after deciding that waiting was the worst part and we really needed to get out of the house. It was a good job though because it took ages to find a parking space and if we'd have left any later we would have been late.
Once there we waited for bloomin' ages. I'm not sure how long because I wasn't wearing a watch and there wasn't a clock, (probably because too many people would be complaining about the wait if there was). Finally we were called by the lady who delivered HRH and did Luna's 20 week scan, her name is Louise and she is really, very nice, so it was good to see her.

She led us into the scan room and explained that there was no slave monitor for us to look at and so she'd do the boring measurements etc. (not boring to us we were worried about the development and so we were keen to see the exact size of the baby.) and then she said, (after thanking me for having such a full bladder) she's turn the screen so that we could have a good look. This was nice in a way because she assumed that the baby would be OK and I wasn't sure whether people would be doing this or saying loads of 'ifs' and 'presumings'! Nigel had a better view than I did and so I was looking to him for some signs, but he said he signalled that he couldn't make anything out, Louise spotted this and laughed.

After a moment or two she turned the screen and began talking through the sights on the screen. She showed us the baby's head, arms, legs, yolk, back and finally, ('phew' said Nigel), the heartbeat. The baby is perfect. When we read the report we saw that she had estimated the baby was 10 weeks and 5 days and by my reckoning I was 10 weeks and 6 days. I decided not to haggle over 1 day!

We then had another wait for the doctor but as there was a man with his phone clamped to his ear we turn our phones back on and sent a text to Nigel's Mom to tell her all was well.
The consultant asked us why we felt the midwife might have sent us there as looking at my notes he couldn't see any risks involved as I'd already had 3 children and could 'obviously manage perfectly well on my own!!' With big smiles of relief on our faces we explained that perhaps we could been sent there because we lost a baby at 20 weeks last year and I've had 2 miscarriages in the early stages. He dismissed this but did say that he'd double check my notes to be sure nothing came back on the post mortem. We are to expect a letter from him outlining his findings but apart from that my care will be back to normal, no concerns, no longer high risk, all that stress for nothing! Still at least it was for nothing I suppose.

My sickness has pretty much gone now apart from the odd bit is I smell something strong. I feel decidedly less delicate which could easily be because I can now be confident that all is well and I don't have to rely on symptoms to prove this to me! ;o)

2007-03-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

I had a letter from the hospital arrive yesterday and I assumed it would be my scan appointment. I can't pretend I wasn't quite shocked to discover that it was actually an appointment to see a consultant and have a scan done at the hospital anti-natal department! I know this isn't bad news but I was shaken because it was like confirmation that I'm high risk. Also it feels like having to accept that there is the potential for history to repeat itself.
I've spent a long while convincing myself that there is no risk and that everything will be fine this time and I'll be damned if I'm going to let the NHS make me feel any different. I'm back on my positive train of thought now! And I can't wait until I'm treated normally again.

The appointment is at 3:40pm on Tuesday. The letter states that it could take up to 2 hours and so we've arranged for Kath to babysit as it wouldn't be appropriate to take the children along to such a 'serious' appointment. I don't want to worry them.
Also they would be hungry at that time of day and they'd start getting cranky making it difficult for Nigel to concentrate on what we are being told.
But I have to confess to feeling bloomin' dreadful about not taking them. They have always been involved before and they want to be involved again. I just hope everything goes well!

As I'm typing this I'm already getting a nervous feeling in my tummy!

2007-03-01T21:12:00.000-08:00

My sickness has eased again and I am feeling much more human toady. So much so I did some housework! ( This was probably fueled by the 3 bowls of cornflakes I've had today!) The children were bored but after being in a semi-conscious state for 10 weeks I finally actually saw the state of the living room! I cleaned vigorously for about 2 hours but after that I was beat and needed plenty of rest!
Last night I sat and concentrated whilst I relaxed and I am sure I did feel a flutter, which made me feel really choked. I will never get used to the wonder of the whole thing, I feel so lucky!

I must begin a regular exercise programme now that I feel slightly better. But putting a DVD on in the evening means missing precious TV time which after 10 weeks of sickness I have become accustomed to. Vegetating in front of the goggle box has been my favourite evening pass time.

2007-02-27T22:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not feeling quite so worried today. I have felt something which may have been small movements but I'm not certain, however, I have just managed to relax and remain hopeful. I may not be feeling sick as much or as often as I was but it is normal for me, for it to stop at about 10 weeks, so that in itself is a good sign. Just because I'm not having any obvious signs that everything is OK doesn't automatically mean there is any problems!
I knew I'd worry more during this pregnancy and so bad days are to be expected. But the main thing to remember is that as long as their are no bad signs there is always something to be grateful for! 8o)

2007-02-26T22:15:00.000-08:00

We went to the library in town today and we had to return a huge heavy bag full of hard backed books which Nigel very chivalrously carried. But this still left me with the pushchair and Luna, the buggy board with HRH on it and the back pack to contend with. And we managed to leave the library with a new selection of hard backed, heavy books!
I really have been going out of my way not to lift much or to exhert myself in any way, although i have been doing gentle yoga I am obviously not very fit at the moment and add to this the fact that I was very hungry and thirsty half way between the library and the health food shop I began to feel light headed and needed to sit down for a few minutes. We then went back to the car as it wasn't a good idea to load ourselves down with shopping too! I have a feeling I won't be much use, at least for the time being as I've been really worrying lately. I just can't wait to feel the baby move.
Yesterday when I was sitting on the bed relaxing I though I felt the familiar feelings of fluttery movements. However, today I'm not so convinced and have spent the whole day willing myself to feel them again and because I haven't, I've been fretting!
I'm off to bed in a minute, I'm just hoping that some sleep will put a better sheen on things!

2007-02-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

I had my booking appointment with the midwife this morning. It was at 10am and Nigel had to be at Dads shop by 9:30 so the only real choice was for Nigel to take the children with him to the shop for an hour. Dad said this was fine and Nigel knew he'd be fine as he is rarely busy! So this morning we packed lots of snacks and a video for them to watch and Nigel set off with the children at 9:25. This felt so weird. I didn't know what to do for 15 minutes and the house seemed scarily quiet. Without the usual hustle and bustle I felt quite uncomfortable. So I put the radio on good and loud and swept the floors and did the washing up. I also put the kettle on but didn't have the time to have a drink.
I arrived at the surgery, (with my sample!), just in time and went straight in. Sharon was really nice and oddly, perhaps because the children were not there, she seemed to really open up and we talked for ages about all sorts of things. She offered her deepest sympathies about what happened last time and we began by talking about that. I also noticed that my notes have got 'HIGH RISK' stamped all over them! We talked a lot about various options and possibilities regarding my high risk status. However, in the same breath, she was really supportive and made it clear that she had no intention of wrapping me in cotton wool or patronising me, which I felt very grateful for. One of my greatest fears has not been loosing the baby again, as I don't believe lightning will strike twice, but being mollycoddled and pressured by the health system.
Her opinion seems to have changed about lots of the services provided by the NHS and we now seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things. She explained that more screening has been introduced for both Mother and baby and when I asked why I expected the answer to be perhaps due to rising numbers of immigrants etc. however, it is in fact because of the rising number of older Mothers who due to political correctness are not allowed to have the fact that they are high risk due to their age, brought to their attention!??! What is all that about. The authorities are scared to say that tests need to given to a specific stereotype and so everyone is being screened, not very individual or cost effective. 10 years ago if you were pregnant over 33 you were called a geriatric mother and everyone knew that! There were no problems with that then so why are there now. People will always have babies over 33 and always have, but back then people knew that there more risks! Personally I like to know all of the risks so that I can prepare myself for the worst scenario and then things are usually better. I'd feel cheated if information was kept from me in the name of political correctness!
We also discussed all of the new provisions available such as aromatherapy classes, yoga, water birth classes etc. She confided that staffing is extremely compromised as a result of all of these extra facilities but they are good fun!
She amazed me because she actually endorsed home births!!!!!
She has never openly slated them but she usually likes to stress that I can have a home birth if there staffing allows it or providing there are no complications or difficulties, with a very tight lipped expression on her face. However, she actually said that home births are preferable to the domino system where ladies give birth and are sent home within 6 hours because apparently women are leaving hospital with no comprehension of important things like breast feeding and are therefore having a tough night with baby are by morning have switched to bottle feeding and so community midwives are having to really battle to keep statistic up because it looks bad on them!
I revelled in hearing all of this information as this sort of thing interests me a lot. I'm actually looking forward to my next appointment!!!! Teehee!

2007-02-21T21:53:00.000-08:00

I was expecting to gain weight more easily this time after all I have had 7 pregnancies in 7 years! But I have to admit that I've been shocked by how massive my stomach is! I went through almost my whole wardrobe this morning and discovered that I fit in one pair of jeans which are a size 14 anyway!
I will have to hunt out my maternity clothes or soon I'll have no trousers to wear whatsoever! Good job there is an NCT sale in March!

2007-02-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

For the last 2 mornings I haven't had sickness at all! This is worrying me a bit, I'd rather feel awful and confident that everything is alright. However, by late afternoon I've been feeling really rough. I have been exhausted and achy and I lack energy. I have had sickness occasionally but it is really easing off!
This pregnancy seems quite different because my sickness doesn't usually calm down until about the 10th week.
I am going to phone the doctors this week and get an appointment with the midwife soon.
I considered opting out of the scans this time because of the stressful build up. I was dreading them even before I was pregnant.
I have been wondering about the effects having a scan would have on the children. I was trying to justify not having them by saying that I have to consider whether going to have scans this time will remind the children of when we lost the last baby, and be a traumatic experience for them, however, in reality it was me that was dreading the scans. Although I'm not sure why because it isn't the scans that caused the babys death!
We have discussed this and decided that the scan can't come soon enough. Not only will it be reassuring to see that everything is ok. But also I always quite like seeing the tiny baby on screen. Also it helps the children to understand that I'm growing another person who will end up just like them!

2007-02-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly feeling less shattered as each day goes by. Although Luna isn't sleeping well as such, she is doing better than she was a couple of weeks ago. I've got to put a bit of thought into improving her sleeping habits further, I have no good ideas just yet, but I'm sure it'll come to me when the time is right.
Still getting sickness but oddly I've discovered that a cup of tea actually helps!?! Usually I can't face tea and coffee at all when I'm pregnant.
But then the sickness is quite different from any of my other pregnancies. Just when I thought I knew what to expect! ;o)
I'm beginning to notice a paunch! I was expecting to gain weight more quickly than before having had 5 pregnancies in the past, (not including the 2 I lost in the very early stages!) we can't all have rock hard abs and buns of steel forever!
I love getting a big belly actually. And when I can no longer fit in my jeans I will wear my maternity clothes with pride! (It's after the baby has been born and you're still in maternity clothes that you get fed up! 8o} )

2007-02-13T01:40:00.001-08:00

Gosh, I feel better this morning. Last night we put the children to bed at around 7:30pm and we made ourselves some warm milk and went to bed and read our books for a while. I soon fell asleep because I really needed the rest. I have been suffering from extreme exhaustion. Pregnancy makes me tired anyway but with the children being ill for so long I haven't had the chance to recover from my cold myself.
I was still shattered for the first few hours but at one point I managed to get 3 hours in a row and thereafter began to feel much better. I also had an hour lie in this morning and so I feel human again.
My sickness hasn't been as bad this morning either.
Yesterday I was really suffering from constipation. However, by midday my constipation had changed to diarrhea and I was worried I had got a tummy bug. Nigel reassured me that it was probably just my body's was of dealing with constipation, and I think he was right as I seem fine now, (touch wood!).

2007-02-11T13:42:00.000-08:00

Ouch.... Ow.... I've had the most evil heartburn lately! And my sickness is preventing me from having anything nice and pepperminty to help ease the pain. I did manage to force down a peppermint tea on Saturday but I felt vile.
My morning sickness is quite different to anything I've ever had before because although it isn't too violent, (more like moderate I think), I haven't been getting any respite at all! It comes and goes in waves all day and all night. Sometimes it wakes me up which is annoying because I get woken enough times by the children!
I am also very tired still. I tried to have five moment shut eye this afternoon but I ended up being climbed on by Luna, who then proceeded to prise my eyelids open and eventually I gave in and gave her some milk.
I am managing to cut down her milk intake quite a bit from 6 or more times a day and probably every hour during the night to 4ish times a day and 4 or 5 times a night. I am planning to cut this down further because she is just a greedy madam and doesn't need it and also she is slowly loosing her ability to feed without using her teeth!

2007-02-09T13:59:00.000-08:00

......and I am 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant by my reckoning. Of course, I'm sure the midwife will challenge this when I visit her in a few weeks because she always does!
I did a test when I first realised my period was late on 23rd January. (The picture isn't brilliant but if you screw up your eyes you can just see 2 pink lines....Positive, obviously.) I also took a test to the doctors, (because you have to), and got the results this afternoon.
I have been suffering from exhaustion and sickness for about 10 days now and it is for this reason that we decided to tell the children about the pregnancy last Friday, which was Imbolc and represents fresh starts and new beginnings so it seemed quite appropriate. We were concerned that the children would be worried about what was happening to their Mommy if we didn't give them an explanation.
They took the news extremely well. Angel expressed herself clearly by discussing her hopes that the new baby is a boy so that we have an even number of boys and girls in the family. HRH merely smiled a lot and said 'So that's why your tummy is so fat Mommy!' I had to say, 'Well, no I just eat a lot!' He found this funny.
The children told our parents over the following weekend and agreed not to tell our friends for a while yet although I'm not sure why because after everything we've been through I certainly don't believe in tempting fate!
We were relieved that the children were happy and didn't seem to dwell on what happened to baby no. 4 last summer, other than to say that they know this baby will be fine.
At the moment the morning sickness is getting worse by the day. This morning I woke up feeling quite green and had to choke down some breakfast because I know eating helps but I found it only just took the edge off the sickness. It lasts all day but is worse in the mornings and the evenings. However, I also have a feeling that I'm not familiar with at this stage and that is gratefullness. For as long as I feel ill I know the baby is thriving and so each time I retch or go giddy I smile, (well inside I smile, outside I change colour!)
Right now I'm pooped and in desperate need of sleep so I'm off to bed. Feeling very happy!