I'm not feeling quite so worried today. I have felt something which may have been small movements but I'm not certain, however, I have just managed to relax and remain hopeful. I may not be feeling sick as much or as often as I was but it is normal for me, for it to stop at about 10 weeks, so that in itself is a good sign. Just because I'm not having any obvious signs that everything is OK doesn't automatically mean there is any problems!
I knew I'd worry more during this pregnancy and so bad days are to be expected. But the main thing to remember is that as long as their are no bad signs there is always something to be grateful for! 8o)

We went to the library in town today and we had to return a huge heavy bag full of hard backed books which Nigel very chivalrously carried. But this still left me with the pushchair and Luna, the buggy board with HRH on it and the back pack to contend with. And we managed to leave the library with a new selection of hard backed, heavy books!
I really have been going out of my way not to lift much or to exhert myself in any way, although i have been doing gentle yoga I am obviously not very fit at the moment and add to this the fact that I was very hungry and thirsty half way between the library and the health food shop I began to feel light headed and needed to sit down for a few minutes. We then went back to the car as it wasn't a good idea to load ourselves down with shopping too! I have a feeling I won't be much use, at least for the time being as I've been really worrying lately. I just can't wait to feel the baby move.
Yesterday when I was sitting on the bed relaxing I though I felt the familiar feelings of fluttery movements. However, today I'm not so convinced and have spent the whole day willing myself to feel them again and because I haven't, I've been fretting!
I'm off to bed in a minute, I'm just hoping that some sleep will put a better sheen on things!

I had my booking appointment with the midwife this morning. It was at 10am and Nigel had to be at Dads shop by 9:30 so the only real choice was for Nigel to take the children with him to the shop for an hour. Dad said this was fine and Nigel knew he'd be fine as he is rarely busy! So this morning we packed lots of snacks and a video for them to watch and Nigel set off with the children at 9:25. This felt so weird. I didn't know what to do for 15 minutes and the house seemed scarily quiet. Without the usual hustle and bustle I felt quite uncomfortable. So I put the radio on good and loud and swept the floors and did the washing up. I also put the kettle on but didn't have the time to have a drink.
I arrived at the surgery, (with my sample!), just in time and went straight in. Sharon was really nice and oddly, perhaps because the children were not there, she seemed to really open up and we talked for ages about all sorts of things. She offered her deepest sympathies about what happened last time and we began by talking about that. I also noticed that my notes have got 'HIGH RISK' stamped all over them! We talked a lot about various options and possibilities regarding my high risk status. However, in the same breath, she was really supportive and made it clear that she had no intention of wrapping me in cotton wool or patronising me, which I felt very grateful for. One of my greatest fears has not been loosing the baby again, as I don't believe lightning will strike twice, but being mollycoddled and pressured by the health system.
Her opinion seems to have changed about lots of the services provided by the NHS and we now seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things. She explained that more screening has been introduced for both Mother and baby and when I asked why I expected the answer to be perhaps due to rising numbers of immigrants etc. however, it is in fact because of the rising number of older Mothers who due to political correctness are not allowed to have the fact that they are high risk due to their age, brought to their attention!??! What is all that about. The authorities are scared to say that tests need to given to a specific stereotype and so everyone is being screened, not very individual or cost effective. 10 years ago if you were pregnant over 33 you were called a geriatric mother and everyone knew that! There were no problems with that then so why are there now. People will always have babies over 33 and always have, but back then people knew that there more risks! Personally I like to know all of the risks so that I can prepare myself for the worst scenario and then things are usually better. I'd feel cheated if information was kept from me in the name of political correctness!
We also discussed all of the new provisions available such as aromatherapy classes, yoga, water birth classes etc. She confided that staffing is extremely compromised as a result of all of these extra facilities but they are good fun!
She amazed me because she actually endorsed home births!!!!!
She has never openly slated them but she usually likes to stress that I can have a home birth if there staffing allows it or providing there are no complications or difficulties, with a very tight lipped expression on her face. However, she actually said that home births are preferable to the domino system where ladies give birth and are sent home within 6 hours because apparently women are leaving hospital with no comprehension of important things like breast feeding and are therefore having a tough night with baby are by morning have switched to bottle feeding and so community midwives are having to really battle to keep statistic up because it looks bad on them!
I revelled in hearing all of this information as this sort of thing interests me a lot. I'm actually looking forward to my next appointment!!!! Teehee!

I was expecting to gain weight more easily this time after all I have had 7 pregnancies in 7 years! But I have to admit that I've been shocked by how massive my stomach is! I went through almost my whole wardrobe this morning and discovered that I fit in one pair of jeans which are a size 14 anyway!
I will have to hunt out my maternity clothes or soon I'll have no trousers to wear whatsoever! Good job there is an NCT sale in March!

For the last 2 mornings I haven't had sickness at all! This is worrying me a bit, I'd rather feel awful and confident that everything is alright. However, by late afternoon I've been feeling really rough. I have been exhausted and achy and I lack energy. I have had sickness occasionally but it is really easing off!
This pregnancy seems quite different because my sickness doesn't usually calm down until about the 10th week.
I am going to phone the doctors this week and get an appointment with the midwife soon.
I considered opting out of the scans this time because of the stressful build up. I was dreading them even before I was pregnant.
I have been wondering about the effects having a scan would have on the children. I was trying to justify not having them by saying that I have to consider whether going to have scans this time will remind the children of when we lost the last baby, and be a traumatic experience for them, however, in reality it was me that was dreading the scans. Although I'm not sure why because it isn't the scans that caused the babys death!
We have discussed this and decided that the scan can't come soon enough. Not only will it be reassuring to see that everything is ok. But also I always quite like seeing the tiny baby on screen. Also it helps the children to understand that I'm growing another person who will end up just like them!

I'm slowly feeling less shattered as each day goes by. Although Luna isn't sleeping well as such, she is doing better than she was a couple of weeks ago. I've got to put a bit of thought into improving her sleeping habits further, I have no good ideas just yet, but I'm sure it'll come to me when the time is right.
Still getting sickness but oddly I've discovered that a cup of tea actually helps!?! Usually I can't face tea and coffee at all when I'm pregnant.
But then the sickness is quite different from any of my other pregnancies. Just when I thought I knew what to expect! ;o)
I'm beginning to notice a paunch! I was expecting to gain weight more quickly than before having had 5 pregnancies in the past, (not including the 2 I lost in the very early stages!) we can't all have rock hard abs and buns of steel forever!
I love getting a big belly actually. And when I can no longer fit in my jeans I will wear my maternity clothes with pride! (It's after the baby has been born and you're still in maternity clothes that you get fed up! 8o} )

Gosh, I feel better this morning. Last night we put the children to bed at around 7:30pm and we made ourselves some warm milk and went to bed and read our books for a while. I soon fell asleep because I really needed the rest. I have been suffering from extreme exhaustion. Pregnancy makes me tired anyway but with the children being ill for so long I haven't had the chance to recover from my cold myself.
I was still shattered for the first few hours but at one point I managed to get 3 hours in a row and thereafter began to feel much better. I also had an hour lie in this morning and so I feel human again.
My sickness hasn't been as bad this morning either.
Yesterday I was really suffering from constipation. However, by midday my constipation had changed to diarrhea and I was worried I had got a tummy bug. Nigel reassured me that it was probably just my body's was of dealing with constipation, and I think he was right as I seem fine now, (touch wood!).

Ouch.... Ow.... I've had the most evil heartburn lately! And my sickness is preventing me from having anything nice and pepperminty to help ease the pain. I did manage to force down a peppermint tea on Saturday but I felt vile.
My morning sickness is quite different to anything I've ever had before because although it isn't too violent, (more like moderate I think), I haven't been getting any respite at all! It comes and goes in waves all day and all night. Sometimes it wakes me up which is annoying because I get woken enough times by the children!
I am also very tired still. I tried to have five moment shut eye this afternoon but I ended up being climbed on by Luna, who then proceeded to prise my eyelids open and eventually I gave in and gave her some milk.
I am managing to cut down her milk intake quite a bit from 6 or more times a day and probably every hour during the night to 4ish times a day and 4 or 5 times a night. I am planning to cut this down further because she is just a greedy madam and doesn't need it and also she is slowly loosing her ability to feed without using her teeth!

......and I am 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant by my reckoning. Of course, I'm sure the midwife will challenge this when I visit her in a few weeks because she always does!
I did a test when I first realised my period was late on 23rd January. (The picture isn't brilliant but if you screw up your eyes you can just see 2 pink lines....Positive, obviously.) I also took a test to the doctors, (because you have to), and got the results this afternoon.
I have been suffering from exhaustion and sickness for about 10 days now and it is for this reason that we decided to tell the children about the pregnancy last Friday, which was Imbolc and represents fresh starts and new beginnings so it seemed quite appropriate. We were concerned that the children would be worried about what was happening to their Mommy if we didn't give them an explanation.
They took the news extremely well. Angel expressed herself clearly by discussing her hopes that the new baby is a boy so that we have an even number of boys and girls in the family. HRH merely smiled a lot and said 'So that's why your tummy is so fat Mommy!' I had to say, 'Well, no I just eat a lot!' He found this funny.
The children told our parents over the following weekend and agreed not to tell our friends for a while yet although I'm not sure why because after everything we've been through I certainly don't believe in tempting fate!
We were relieved that the children were happy and didn't seem to dwell on what happened to baby no. 4 last summer, other than to say that they know this baby will be fine.
At the moment the morning sickness is getting worse by the day. This morning I woke up feeling quite green and had to choke down some breakfast because I know eating helps but I found it only just took the edge off the sickness. It lasts all day but is worse in the mornings and the evenings. However, I also have a feeling that I'm not familiar with at this stage and that is gratefullness. For as long as I feel ill I know the baby is thriving and so each time I retch or go giddy I smile, (well inside I smile, outside I change colour!)
Right now I'm pooped and in desperate need of sleep so I'm off to bed. Feeling very happy!