On Wednesday I received a letter from Mr. Churchill, the consultant we saw at the hospital anti-natal appointment. It said that he'd checked my notes and he'd spoken to the staff who'd dealt with my case when I delivered Maeve, (we've decided to use her name because calling her 'the baby we lost' all of the time is annoying!), and apparently they only checked the placenta because it is much more resilient than the baby and therefore gives a better indication of problems in those circumstances.
However, no abnormalities were found. (Which was nice to know.) He stated that there is very little chance of there being any problems with this pregnancy or delivery and that statistically and medically the potential for complications are minimal!
Since receiving this letter I have done a lot of thinking. And although I've been telling myself these exact things for ages, actually seeing it written in black and white has made me realise that I haven't been trying to convince myself to prevent bad karma, it is actually the truth.
Consequently, I have been feeling fabulous and I am now actually expecting a baby rather than hoping for one!!!!!

My tummy is massive! I thought I was big with HRH! For curiosity sake, I am going to have to have a look through my old pregnancy diary to see if I made a note of my size of my tummy when I was pregnant with the other children. I am now 13 weeks pregnant and my waist measures 32 1/2 inches,82 1/2 cm and my tummy is quite hard, it doesn't appear to be much fat! Around my belly button measures 37inches, 94 cms! That is just taking the Micky! I look about 6 months pregnant! Oh, it's just occurred to me that I might be having a really huge baby! Oh, well as long as it's healthy! :o)

Nigel came home from Dad's shop today with 2 new naming baby books. One of which is called 'Cool Baby Names'! We sat for quite a while this afternoon with Nigel's Mom reading through the books and having a giggle at highly inappropriate names. We're still agreeing on the choice of boys name but if it is a girl I think we'll struggle a bit!

At the moment when I feed Luna my breasts feel really tender! It isn't every feed and it isn't really painful, just tender. At the moment I'm just coping with it because it is bearable.
Also I am sooo tired today I could sleep on the keyboard!

Today we visited an animal sanctuary with HRH's therapist L.
There are quite a few farm animals but mainly sheep. L helps to heal the poorly animals and also uses the animals as part of the children's therapy because they have all been mistreated in some way or another and so abused children in particular can identify with them.
We are of course aware that lambs and ewes pose a toxoplasmosis threat and so I didn't touch any of the animals and was careful not to hold hand with the children etc. We've been to farms before when I have been pregnant and so we weren't concerned particularly because there weren't any lambs there.
However, the old lady who runs the sanctuary was really concerned. She gave me a pair of rubber gloves to wear, (which I did), and advised that I speak to my doctor because there might be a vaccination to prevent the infection. I humoured her because she was obviously just concerned but I know there is no such vaccination!
We were quite confident that we took plenty of care but as usual her concern caused me to doubt myself. Still, so far so good I'm fine and the baby is wiggling like a good one!

Nigel was feeling my tummy last night and he felt the baby... not move as much as flop! But whatever it did Nigel felt it!

The little fluttery movements I've been feeling have been getting stronger. Last night when I was lying in bed trying to relax the movements were so strong and different to what I've been used to that I wasn't sure if I was mistaken. But I wasn't, It has just been a while since I've felt these types of movements as I don't remember movements of the baby that we lost getting much stronger than small fluttery movements.
Although I am excited and I'm grateful of every movement I still can't help panicking every now and then!

I had a very energetic day yesterday. Firstly we had our local HE group which didn't involve being very active but I didn't seem to sit down much. All afternoon Angel had me showing her a dance routine which I helped her to perfect. I did enjoy this but it took several attempts which soon showed me how unfit I am. I knew this anyway because I have such poor muscle tone, my tummy is huge and wobbly and my legs are baggy!
I keep threatening to do my yoga DVD but so far it is just threats. Somehow I can't help feeling that it'll take so much more than doing yoga 3 times week to sort out my physique. However, I'm not bothered as long as the baby is OK! :o)
However, I must try harder, otherwise I'll regret it during labour!

The pregnancy is still going well! Since the hospital appointment I have felt much more relaxed and have resigned myself to enjoying the pregnancy. I still feel little flutters which is wonderful. I am waiting for them to become strong enough for Nigel to feel but so far I still think they are a bit delicate. (Or perhaps it could be the several layers of fat in front of my womb!?!)
Thye children have been showing off the scan picture although I'm still not sure that they understand that they can tell anyone now, as they keep whispering to ask permission to tell people. I'm sure it is no shock to anyone as my stomach is already so big that it is quite obviouos that I'm pregnant.
Luna's milk intake is creaoing back up again! I am trying a new tact whereby when she is feeding I count to 10. Depending on the convienience of her timing depends of the speed on which I count. This seems to work well because she is not showing any signs of being upset when she gets off before I reach 10. This method, (so far!?!), hasn't failed!

Well, I needn't have worried about the hospital appointment. Although I did. By the time Tuesday came I felt really afraid. I had jewellery making class in the morning which helped to distract me a bit although my heart wasn't in it really. I left early and Nigel took HRH to see L our therapist. Then I spent and hour and a half with the girls trying very hard to think of other things and keep busy.
We left at about 3:15pm after deciding that waiting was the worst part and we really needed to get out of the house. It was a good job though because it took ages to find a parking space and if we'd have left any later we would have been late.
Once there we waited for bloomin' ages. I'm not sure how long because I wasn't wearing a watch and there wasn't a clock, (probably because too many people would be complaining about the wait if there was). Finally we were called by the lady who delivered HRH and did Luna's 20 week scan, her name is Louise and she is really, very nice, so it was good to see her.

She led us into the scan room and explained that there was no slave monitor for us to look at and so she'd do the boring measurements etc. (not boring to us we were worried about the development and so we were keen to see the exact size of the baby.) and then she said, (after thanking me for having such a full bladder) she's turn the screen so that we could have a good look. This was nice in a way because she assumed that the baby would be OK and I wasn't sure whether people would be doing this or saying loads of 'ifs' and 'presumings'! Nigel had a better view than I did and so I was looking to him for some signs, but he said he signalled that he couldn't make anything out, Louise spotted this and laughed.

After a moment or two she turned the screen and began talking through the sights on the screen. She showed us the baby's head, arms, legs, yolk, back and finally, ('phew' said Nigel), the heartbeat. The baby is perfect. When we read the report we saw that she had estimated the baby was 10 weeks and 5 days and by my reckoning I was 10 weeks and 6 days. I decided not to haggle over 1 day!

We then had another wait for the doctor but as there was a man with his phone clamped to his ear we turn our phones back on and sent a text to Nigel's Mom to tell her all was well.
The consultant asked us why we felt the midwife might have sent us there as looking at my notes he couldn't see any risks involved as I'd already had 3 children and could 'obviously manage perfectly well on my own!!' With big smiles of relief on our faces we explained that perhaps we could been sent there because we lost a baby at 20 weeks last year and I've had 2 miscarriages in the early stages. He dismissed this but did say that he'd double check my notes to be sure nothing came back on the post mortem. We are to expect a letter from him outlining his findings but apart from that my care will be back to normal, no concerns, no longer high risk, all that stress for nothing! Still at least it was for nothing I suppose.

My sickness has pretty much gone now apart from the odd bit is I smell something strong. I feel decidedly less delicate which could easily be because I can now be confident that all is well and I don't have to rely on symptoms to prove this to me! ;o)

I had a letter from the hospital arrive yesterday and I assumed it would be my scan appointment. I can't pretend I wasn't quite shocked to discover that it was actually an appointment to see a consultant and have a scan done at the hospital anti-natal department! I know this isn't bad news but I was shaken because it was like confirmation that I'm high risk. Also it feels like having to accept that there is the potential for history to repeat itself.
I've spent a long while convincing myself that there is no risk and that everything will be fine this time and I'll be damned if I'm going to let the NHS make me feel any different. I'm back on my positive train of thought now! And I can't wait until I'm treated normally again.

The appointment is at 3:40pm on Tuesday. The letter states that it could take up to 2 hours and so we've arranged for Kath to babysit as it wouldn't be appropriate to take the children along to such a 'serious' appointment. I don't want to worry them.
Also they would be hungry at that time of day and they'd start getting cranky making it difficult for Nigel to concentrate on what we are being told.
But I have to confess to feeling bloomin' dreadful about not taking them. They have always been involved before and they want to be involved again. I just hope everything goes well!

As I'm typing this I'm already getting a nervous feeling in my tummy!

My sickness has eased again and I am feeling much more human toady. So much so I did some housework! ( This was probably fueled by the 3 bowls of cornflakes I've had today!) The children were bored but after being in a semi-conscious state for 10 weeks I finally actually saw the state of the living room! I cleaned vigorously for about 2 hours but after that I was beat and needed plenty of rest!
Last night I sat and concentrated whilst I relaxed and I am sure I did feel a flutter, which made me feel really choked. I will never get used to the wonder of the whole thing, I feel so lucky!

I must begin a regular exercise programme now that I feel slightly better. But putting a DVD on in the evening means missing precious TV time which after 10 weeks of sickness I have become accustomed to. Vegetating in front of the goggle box has been my favourite evening pass time.